EXCLUSIVE: FEMA Works With FEMEN To Battle Public Relations Woes

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Nov. 3, 2012 - The Federal Emergency Managment Agency (FEMA) is working overtime to help the victims of Hurricane Sandy in the northeastern U.S.

FEMEN & FEMA: Partners in chaos

Despite this and other good works, however, FEMA has had more than its share of bad public relations over the past several years. Chicago News Bench has learned that FEMA leadership recently met with representatives of FEMEN, an all-women's human rights advocacy group, which has resulted in the ground-breaking agreement to share public relations ideas.

FEMA Man, W. Craig Fugate:
"Ta-Ta Mojo"

Rumors of so-called "FEMA prison camps" have circulated for years, scaring the bejeezus out of stupid people and breeding distrust. The agency is still trying to recover from the black eye it got for poor performance after Hurricane Katrina in 2005. FEMA still has its critics, who argue that the private sector can do a better job.

A new cooperative effort with FEMEN, however, might be just the kind of image boost needed by the much maligned FEMA.

FEMEN's website describes the organization as "the scandal famous organization of topless women activists, who defend with their breast sexual and social equality in the world." Translation: FEMEN gets massive attention by exposing the lady parts on their chests, all in a effort to get us all to forget about women as sex objects.

"Go Topless And Win With FEMA"

FEMEN will benefit by the new relationship with FEMA, as well. "We have always about the urgent action against oppressions," says Inna Shevchenko,"but disasters of nature do not help human rights."

"FEMEN must embrace the opportunity to have good partner in fight against tornadoes, hurricanes and other kinds of natural disasters everywhere," said Shevchenko.

"Wherever we can show our exposed upper bodies, spirits will be lifted and people can see hope in their bad situations."

Shevchenko added that FEMEN stands ready to assist with rebuilding in areas hit hard by natural disaster.

"I want us to ride what I call FEMEN's ta-ta mojo," said FEMA's Administrator,W. Craig Fugate. He held a private meeting with FEMEN representatives in late September in a secret "but comfortable" location in Delaware.

After six hours of negotiations "and several cold showers," Fugate had an agreement from FEMEN to allow FEMA to use their images and slogans in future emergency management literature and public service announcements.

FEMA's media staff is still working on ways to integrate FEMEN's media brilliance into their own material.

A new slogan "Go Topless and Win With FEMA!" will be used "in the very near future" according to Fugate. "I also hope this will show a softer side of FEMA," Fugate added.

Fugate also said that once the prison camps are actually ready to be populated, a public relations blitz using the lades of FEMEN will be immensely valuable. "People will be less resistant to the FEMA prison camps if they're renamed 'FEMEN day spas and dissident day care centers'," he chuckled.